I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
