Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
