If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
