one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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