Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
