Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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