Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
