yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
