idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
