cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
