I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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