My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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