we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
