none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had to cum in my sink.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
