one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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