Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
