Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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