Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
