She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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