He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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