I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
