i just had sex bonerless
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
