By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
