i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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