New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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