Me. At least after what I've been through.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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