Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
