You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
