tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
