If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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