I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
