i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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