This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
