smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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