I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
