shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
