This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
