he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
