why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
