WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
