Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
