I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
