omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
