just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
