Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
