New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
