the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
