if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
