i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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