allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
