I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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