Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
