So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
