Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
